mirror, mirror

TW: Discussion of bodies and organs *only one line*

a love letter to my future self.

if i could see you today

if you weren't twenty years away

i know what i would ask; a silent prayer

have we always been this way?

i'd want to ask who you are now

but I don't know if I could go that far

do your tears still stain the pillowcase

do your dreams still get bizzare?

nobody ever really told me

everything would be so hard

now things begin to lose meaning

i'm someone i want to discard

(old shoes, old heart)

and so I'd like to ask you

will it always be this way?

i know times were better

and i hope the future holds the same

i can still think of the sepia

the warm nights, the better days

i don't even know when

i woke up in a bitter haze

i need you to tell me

that somehow, we'll be okay.

I think I'm done for the night

resigned myself to the truth

I'm my own future history

i still look in the mirror for traces of you

there's a big gaping hole where my insides were

I'm hoping that that's healed for you

i hope when you say you're okay you mean it

and i hope you know I love you.

-sanjana

previously published on gen-control-z